Ugliest College Mascots: See the Weirdest and Wildest Designs

Alright, alright, let’s talk about them… what you call ‘em… ugliest mascots, yeah? Them things they put on the side of the road, no, wait, at them games, the ball games. Some of ‘em, Lord have mercy, they look like somethin’ the cat dragged in and then the dog chewed on.

First off, you got that… what’s his name… Otto? Yeah, Otto. They say he’s… “anthropomorphic”. Big word, huh? Means he looks like a somethin’ but ain’t really a somethin’. He’s just… orange. A big, ol’ orange blob with a face. Scared my chickens more than a hawk, I tell ya. Don’t see no pride in that, just a big mess. Useless, if you ask me.

Then there’s this “Scrotie”. Scrotie! I ain’t makin’ this up, mind you. Some college folks wanted that as their mascot. Can you believe it? The school bigwigs, they said “no way, no how,” thank the good Lord. But just the thought of it… a mascot named Scrotie… Makes my stomach turn more than bad milk.

It just ain’t right, you know?
Mascots supposed to be strong, fierce… somethin’ to look up to.
Not somethin’ that makes you wanna hide your eyes and run the other way.

Now, some folks say that Blue Devil at Duke is somethin’ special. But I see him and I just think, “mischief.” He looks like he’s gonna steal your chickens and then blame it on the neighbor’s dog. Not exactly what you want representin’ your school, is it? He ain’t ugly like some, but he sure is sneaky lookin’.

And don’t even get me started on them… whatchamacallits… the ones that look like they were drawn by a five-year-old with a crayon and a bad attitude. You see ‘em sometimes, these weird… creatures… with big heads and little bodies, or no bodies at all, just a giant… face. They ain’t scary, they ain’t impressive, they just… are. And that’s the problem. They don’t make you feel nothin’ but confused. Pointless, like a screen door on a submarine.

I reckon some folks think bein’ ugly is funny, makes you stand out. But there’s a difference between bein’ a little goofy and bein’ downright frightenin’. You want a mascot that folks remember, sure, but you don’t want ‘em rememberin’ it ‘cause it looks like it crawled out from under a rock and then got hit by a truck. That just ain’t right.

You know, back in my day, a mascot was a mascot. A bull was a bull, a bear was a bear. Simple. Now they got these… things… that are supposed to be… modern? I call ‘em a waste of good money. Give me a good ol’ fashioned animal any day, somethin’ that looks like it belongs in this world, not some… abstract… nightmare. They should stick to what they know, not try to be all fancy and end up with somethin’ nobody understands but college kids with too much time on their hands.

And another thing, them colors! Some of these mascots, they ain’t just ugly in the face, they’re ugly in the color department too. Bright orange, puke green, electric blue… enough to give you a headache just lookin’ at ‘em. It’s like they went to the paint store, closed their eyes, and just grabbed whatever they could find. No rhyme or reason, just a big ol’ mess. Makes my eyes hurt just thinkin’ about it.

So, there you have it. My two cents on them ugliest mascots. They might be famous, they might be popular, but to this old woman, they’re just plain ugly. And that’s all there is to it.